Sharknado

Sharknado

  Directed by: Anthony C. Ferrante

  Written by: Thunder Levin

  Starring:  Ian Ziering (Fin Shepard), Tara Reid (April Wexler), John Heard (George), Cassandra Scerbo (Nova Clarke), Jason Simmons (Baz Hogan), Marcus Choi (Palmer), Israel Saez de Miguel (Captain Carlos Santiago), Chuck Hittinger (Matt), and Aubrey Peeples as Claudia.

  The story begins in the harsh environment of the stormy ocean, a hurricane is about to form.  A lone ship dares to engage the dangerous weather, the crew aboard has sinister plans, they are shark hunters.  The Captain and his associate are engaging in a million dollar deal for shark meat.  Captain Santiago (Israel Saez de Miguel) slides the tasty shark in a bowl to his associate, Palmer (Marcus Choi).  The contents are good, but Palmer offers 500,000 to the harsh looking Captain.  He disagrees, and gives Palmer no options. 

  Meanwhile the storm continues a large water spout containing sharks spins above the ship.  Palmer suddenly runs trying to flee with the money, but realizes there is no escaping the storm;  the Captain sees the treachery and runs after Palmer with a handgun, his problems will now be solved with blood.  A large water  spout over takes the ship, suddenly sharks spin, some land on deck, others attack crew members.  Palmer runs but is to late; Sharks attack, the ships motion is to strong, and Palmer falls to his death in the grip of the ocean.  The Captain suddenly turns around as a flurry of sharks spin on top of the Captain, eating his flesh as they fly by. The ship is taken by the sharks.

  The ocean at the beachfront is beautiful,  large crowds enjoying the day at the beach, especially Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) and his good friend Baz Hogan (Jason Simmons).  The two men are middle aged and still have love for surf boarding, so Shepard (Ziering) moves his board into position while Hogan riding a jet ski watches his friend from afar. 

  The waves are big, but Shepard (Ian Ziering) manages to race a young surfer, which is currently beating him to the punch; she takes the waves, rides them a bit, until she losses control and hits the water head first.  Shepard (Ziering) rides the waves as-well, up he goes, but falls into the same predicament.  He notices a shark swimming not far from the young women, he tries to help her but is to late;  The Shark attacked, then injuring the women, soon other sharks swarm the beach, panic ensues, people start to scream.  Baz Hogan (Jason Simmons) moves his jet ski to help his friend, but on the way to Shepard (Ziering) he is attacked by a shark.  

  Afterwards Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) resides at the bar that he owns close to the beachfront.  Nova Clark (Cassandra Scerbo) a server flirts with Shepard, but he tells her to go back to work.  A regular at the bar talks the world to everyone, George (John Heard).  Baz Hogan (Jason Simmons) shows off his shark bite to all his friends, and company.  The news warning of a large Hurricane is close and all should take shelter.

  Meanwhile, a Hurricane forms and a large water spout filled with deadly sharks storm the beachfront. Shepard (Ziering) warns his customers to go home and reach safety.  Sharks fall everywhere, out of the sky, from the water that pours in from the ocean.  Sharks attack, people, cars, anything that moves.  The bar which has no name, is taken by nature.  Shepard (Ian Ziering) observes as the deadly hurricane destroys his hard work, which he built from the ground up.  (Touching moment, but we still have no camera shot of the bar name or any mention of it.) 

   I would go on to describe the rest of the movie, but i decided to stop here, because i want to rant about the style, and horrible dialog in the film.  Lets jump right into the heart of the film which is the sharks, scary creatures in the water but what happens when the shark hits the ground and flops around?  Nova played by Cassandra Scerbo suddenly trips and falls on the pier about 10 feet away from the shark.  holding a shotgun, shaking the hot chick tries to shoot but fails. but where is the danger? The shark is prone, nowhere to go.  Wait, it gets better.  The shark is bested by the drunk guy in the bar, no bat, no gun, just his trusty stool in hand. 

  The Family:  April Wexler (Tara Reid), her pilot son Matt (Chuck Hittinger), and daughter Claudia (Aubrey Peeples).  Don't care to mention the boyfriend, has about a minute of screen-time, he gets killed anyaway, so it doesn't matter.  Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) the ex-husband that owns the bar that the film fails to mention the name or anything, its just the bar; details are important, but who cares, we have a dysfunctional family, a hot looking server carrying Shepard's shotgun, why? i guess a hot chick, eye candy helps the film right? They could've hired twenty super models and the film would still suck.  The no-name bar really bothered me, i guess its because it was important to the story, especially if it belonged to the main character.  Lets focus on the scar on Nova and forget about the main characters bar.    

  Continuity errors:  all films have them, in some cases the errors are fun and overlooked, not in the case of Sharknado.  the heroes truck or SUV happens to be like the truck in that movie hit Twister.  remember the Dodge truck which survived inside a level three tornado.  Well, here in this film, the SUV is attacked by a shark, which manages to rip the roof off of the SUV.  The hot server, Nova nails the shark with the shotgun, the SUV has noticeable damage.  Real, hardcore, i have no roof damage.  The next scene, its gone, no damage, everything is OK.  I understand, lets focus on Nova the hot chick.  Why? hire the actor from 90210,  Just saying.

  The mansion of the esteemed April Wexler (Tara Reid) is flooded by water, a shark finds his way inside the home, the boyfriend gets killed after. Before his demise He says something stupid, nobody cares, continue to the next scene he's cannon fodder anyway. I know; the other guy, i get it. Shark takes him out,enough said.  The mansion fills up quickly with water, the next scene the characters are all in the super-SUV, and the mansion explodes.  Why? did this happen. without reason, it happened.  No winds, no debris on the ground, in fact it was a bit cloudy, but no sign of a hurricane, but somehow the water possessed by a demon takes the mansion, and fills it with water in a nanosecond. The mansion explodes, a watery explosion.  Imagine filling up a water balloon to much, that kinda of explosion.

  Hurricanes indeed are deadly, i understand the idea behind the plot, but let me go with this OK, and bare with me.  The high winds, debris must be on film at all times, even if inside a mansion, car, whatever.  Continue the chaos, mass destruction.  The Twister movie back in the day had issues, but the characters were challenged at all times, they were on their toes at all times.  The story flowed, moved from scene to scene with character issues, which really is a bases for storytelling and movie making. The sharks are not the problem, but the events that surround the story makes this film difficult to watch.  Keep the destruction, with the sharks in it, make the characters run, escape, even a sense of fear.  The film didn't use the basic formula, instead it used bad dialog and stupid scenes that made no sense that went with the actual story.  Yes, it has sharks, but it would of made a difference if the characters had something to explain why? It happened; could've used global warming. maybe a nuke was in that part of the ocean, it created an explosion that pissed off nature, and she retaliated. 

  Matt (Chuck Hittinger) the cool pilot son went into the storm, the main idea to stop the tornadoes, three deadly twisters.  Use a man made bomb, that if delivered to the heart of the twister would dissipate it.  no comment on that action, because it was stupid, and the helicopter would've spun out of control and explode somewhere. 

  Another idea that seemed to work for the film is, use tools, anything that would stop the sharks, stop and fight.  Matt's (Hittinger) bombs worked, all but one twister is left, Nova the hot chick gets eaten by a great white shark in the air.  Not comment here, don't know why? before her doom she made a Spielberg Jaws reference.  (That was the only thing that was cool)

  End:  The sharks start to drop out of the sky, everyone uses the weapons of choice.  Shepard at least has a cool weapon,a chainsaw.  The ending to this horrible film is Shepard going inside the the Great White that ate Nova. Guess what happens next, yes you called it, he survives.  Nova happens to be alive inside the belly of the beast.  Blood, more blood, sharks all over, that is the structure of the film.  You want a "B" film see the 1992 Army of Darkness, starring Bruce Campbell; campy it was but at least it had a story.  Sharknado was made to be campy, but it ended up being stupid.  The reason behind the success is the stars that play the characters in this film.  Love campy films, check out the film i mentioned.